Dad, why did you have to go? Part 2 lessons I have learned in the dark

I left off by introducing a addictive habit that became my worst enemy. That addictive behavior was smoking. I use to smoke at least two packs a day. God didn’t want just part of me though. He wanted all of me. We moved to a new area in Ohio. New people and a new school. But, you cant escape God. I didn’t know what or who was following me. Do you know that feeling though when you feel someone is following and watching you? That is how I felt. I didn’t know at the time what it was. I started asking God. Why did you have to take my dad? Suddenly the man who was so strong. Who didn’t shed a tear became so weak and wept like a baby and that is when the healing begun. Soon after that I started going to church. Not knowing what to expect. My family background is not that of a religious background. God was someone I heard of but, I didn’t know him, personally. After a few short months I heard of God’s love for me. His acceptance, his grace and his mercy. I responded by giving my life to him. Trading my hell for his heaven. My sorrow for his joy & my sin for his forgiveness. I found new friends, started reading the bible and praying and then God answered my prayer. God took my earthly father, so I could know a heavenly one. I felt a sense of peace I never felt before. That was the peace with God. I still needed to experience the peace of God. I cut down on my smoking and hid it from the world and that caused me to isolate myself. I had friends catch from time to time. Christian friends. Not one of them who caught me though none ever seeked to heal the pain that caused me to smoke. They just looked at me with disgust and didn’t show me the love that I felt from their maker. That caused me to isolate myself even further. I would wash my hands to get that yellowish tint of my fingers and brush my teeth to get that nasty smell out of my breath. The shame and guilt was overbearing. Time after time I prayed “God take this away” but, he wouldn’t until I realized I had to get my heart right and not have the motive of doing this to become a “better Christian or a better person” but, to do this simply because God loves me and he wants all of me not, just part of me.God finally delivered me  of it. Through I have learned to persevere to never give up. To love God radically with all my heart, soul and strength.There is still a lot I have to learn and still have a lot of stories to share. But, these ones are the lessons ive learned in the darkness. Now that I am free God has been working on me not to isolate myself but, allow myself to be shown to the world.

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